I’ve watched this like a thousand times and I love it more every time.
Living with an addict.
When I first meet people their impressions are usually “oh she’s so bubbly and confident”, they make prejudgements about my life; family, relationship status, intelligence. The list goes on, but that’s okay because everyone is human. Life would be a mess if we didn’t prejudge.
There are all sorts of ideas about who I am and my life experiences, but there is one thing no one ever thinks to guess. My mother is an alcoholic. Most commonly, people react with “OMG I would have never guessed, you smile so much!?”. And I always think “yeah, I smile because then I don’t have to discuss my deep dark messed up soul.” But that’s okay, because I’m human.
I have shared countless stories to councillors, friends, strangers, and teachers about my mothers problem. I tell them about the times she has hit me and my twin. (Yes, I have a twin - non identical, she’s two minutes older.) The time she fractured my wrist, the time she turned up to my salsa performance drunk, smashed up the dance floor, left then ended up in hospital. I could tell all of you many stories because to anyone who hears them they’re just stories. You may try to understand them, you may feel sorry for me, you may even want to try to help. But you will never know how it feels to be in this exact situation. And that’s okay because you’re human.
I would like to point out that me and my mother don’t talk. I much prefer it this way. This shocks many people, and they say “but she’s your mum! She gave birth to you, you have to talk to her?!”. I once read a saying that any man can be a father, but it takes time, effort, and caring to be a dad. I believe this applies to mums as well. It’s very easy to give birth to an innocent child, but to raise, care for, and love your child isn’t. They are made up of your flesh and blood, they lived inside your womb for 9 months, they are your creation for the world, yet treating your child with disrespect and hatred seems pretty damn easy.
Many people do not know what it is like to live with an alcoholic. For those of you who don’t know, you’re lucky assuming you have a, erm, ‘normal’ life. I am going to try to put into words what it feels like:
You’re on the edge, worrying whether she’s sober or drunk, happy or angry, awake or asleep. If she’s drunk and asleep you may be lucky, if she’s sober, awake and angry you may have a problem. The drinking isn’t so bad, that’s not the entire problem - it’s the monster that she is due to the drink. The constant fear that a situation could occur at any moment, that every bang or bump is her stumbling over to come and start a fight. The constant worry that this time might be the worst. The constant paranoia that she’s attempted suicide again. The feeling of hatred you feel inside when she looks you dead In the eye and says she hates you and you’re the reason she’s doing this. Sometimes you retaliate and fight back. You don’t mean to punch her but soon things spiral and there’s no going back. Your mind is blank. You don’t remember anything, you just see her lying on the floor.
I will never forgive my mother. She is human but this is never okay.
I wish my friends would take random pictures of me when we hang out because I’m an arrogant prick and I want more pictures of myself that aren’t selfies.
Basically me tbh.
welp, there goes my self esteem. again
There’s a light in all of us
when im dead sext me through a ouija board
this is fucking crazy omfg
Hello! I’m Bea (tumblr user fifth-may) and the guy above is my boyfriend! He’s Polish, i’m Portuguese. He’s blonde, i’m brunette. He’s religious, i’m not. We’re the living proof that opposites do attract and you should never let differences come in between your happiness, and most specially, true love.
Our 2 years anniversary is coming up on the fifth of may 2014, this boy makes me a better person, I’ve never been happier before. You can find more pictures of us >here< ♡